A Day in the Life - A typical day down the mines

It's been a long week.  I mean I actually worked five days this week: well six probably if you count working late, or through lunch (again).   I worked out that by some strange quirk (a few bank holidays, a Royal Wedding, having to use up some holiday entitlement and the slight case of a day off due to a car accident) this week is the first five day week I've worked since before Easter.

Welcome to my working world.  Due to being on foot at the moment, am up at around 5.30am and get ready for what I like to call another day down the mines (otherwise known as the office).

Gather belongings together, pack hubby-prepared lunch into bag.  Plug iPod into ears and skip down the road to my current favourite music which, for some strange reason, happens to be the soundtracks to The Wiz and A Chorus Line.  I have no idea why but they sure make me flash my jazz hands and  practically dance my way through the 35 minute trek to the station.

I eagerly hand over my hard-earned cash to gleeful looking ticket person.  Once I've paid the exorbitant fee to travel on the Stansted Express, I cross over to the platform reminding myself to be grateful,  after all they are bright and shiney new trains, and they positively 'gliiiide' into our gloomy station to meet me.   I step aboard and nab the nearest seat.  Oh free wi-fi too!  Fantastic but naturally I can't connect to it due to the lack of a decent signal en route.

Get comfy in nice new padded seats and with that aroma of 'new train' wafting, I unplug iPod and pull out book from bag. Don't tell 'Lady Byron' but at long last "Byron in Love" is almost finished. Great book, except at certain points earlier on I had to prevent myself slinging the book through the nearest window.  I mean how many times can an author begin a sentence "At the Zenith of ..." his career, his passion, his popularity .... all in the turn of a few pages!  Come on Edna, get a grip!!!

Transfer from Stansted Express to tube connection which begins with the Victoria Line down to Euston.   Ever travelled on The Victoria Line?  It seems to be the only service that doubles as a Sauna, but without the mercy of a towel to mop your brow.

Arrive at Euston 5 lbs lighter ... I wish ... and transfer to the Misery line (AKA the Northern Line) where I travel a couple of stops to Kentish Town.  Now this is the place our MD (who at that time was obviously not in full possession of his marbles) convinced us was 'up and coming' and was going to be the 'new Camden'.  I should explain we were based in Marylebone High Street at the time.  Eight years on and it's still a dump ... although to be fair we have a Tesco, Sainsburys Local and - wonder of wonders - a Pret a Manger!

Arrive at office, plonk self down at desk and switch on Mac.

While Mac is doing it's 'thing', I gather my 'must do this morning' work, then pop into kitchen to make my breakfast.  Checks dishwasher, sees it's full and resolves not to empty it again. NO! Some other lazy bastard is going to have to do it thank you very much. Grab what I need for brekkie and hot-foot it back to desk.

Looks through papers on desk while opening email.  Here they come, one by one, pinging their way into my life.  OK be methodical, start from the bottom up.  Some emails are from people who sit feet away.  Have we lost the art of conversation or is it one of those "need to cover my back" emails?  Yup probably the latter.

Sudden bang on the back door, breaks my concentration.  Hoorah!  It's the courier bloke with a delivery from our factory.   He offloads boxes and I sort them into piles for the relevant addressees.  Sign the delivery note and we have our regular little chit chat.  Then he remembers he has a delivery to make so he can't stand around chatting to me all day, seemingly ignoring the fact that he can talk the hind legs off a donkey and I'm desperate (but naturally far too polite!) to cut him short.

Back at my desk, I email the relevant people to let them know there are packages for them.  Yes, well I know they only sit feet away from me, but when in Rome ....  Review paper pile ... again.   Gradually colleagues come in and the morning pleasantries begin.

The phone rings.  Why do people assume that the office will be fully manned at 7.30 in the morning?

Return to papers on desk.  Checks emails.  Chases around for answers to the couple that are urgent.  Responds and returns to papers on desk.

"Can I ask a question?" asks my colleague to the left. ("No you bloody can't" I answer in my head!) "Sure." I answer.  Stop what I'm doing to listen to question.  Logs onto company manufacturing database to find answer to question.  Now this is not a database to which I have exclusive use.  We all use it!  However, at that moment apparently only my expertise will get the answer!  Maybe she's lost the use of her brain as well as her hands.

Back to the papers on my desk.

Looks up at emails. 11 new emails sitting in inbox.  Hang on it's been five minutes since I last checked. Have a quick check.  Answer the ones that are urgent. Will review the others later.

Answer phone that is ringing continuously across office because, despite the fact that someone is sitting at the desk next to said ringing phone, on and on it drones.

Assistant calls my name in a worrying tone.  A job has gone to print and the person who supplied and signed off the ingredients now tells us she has missed out some essential parts - only all the colouring info. Ring idiot supplier/approver of ingredients to find she's surprisingly blasé and at no point recognises the hassle and cost this has caused.  Awaits arrival of correct information and sorts out amending artwork.  50K bags heading for the bin.   Job to be reprinted.  Move on.

Reviews papers on desk.

Assistant interrupts again.  Well-known children's animated film company giving us hassle over some design work.  In cases like this, I thumb through my completely fictional (but now legendary) book of standard excuses, reasons and general bull, that gets us out of these kinds of pickles.  They buy it.  We move on.

Reviews papers on desk. Makes the mistake of looking up at Mac. 15 new emails in inbox. WTF!!!!

Member of design studio comes over to me to tell me they can't start a particular job due to still not having access to the style guide.  Stops to make a call to chase Style Guide, in view of the fact that this designer appears to have forgotten how to use a telephone.

Almost time for meeting in VC room.  Spot other colleagues are having an impromptu meeting without first having checked the room booking system.  Ever so politely chuck them out, switch on VC and meeting begins.  Systematically lose the will to live as packaging development team doesn't have the samples requested from last week's meeting.

"There was nothing I could do.  My contact is off for two weeks"

"OK, but this is not a one-man operation. Surely there is someone else you can talk to."  I am foolish enough to ask.

 "Well I only have this contact" comes the reply, which remains unanswered by me due to the fact that I am too busy resisting the urge to rip his head off - an impossible feat, however, as he was on the other side of the VC, so I'd have looked a bit silly lunging at the screen!

Meeting ends and I head back to my desk.  Another 25 emails have arrived since I've been away from my desk.  Let joy be unconfined.  Settles down and grabs those papers on my desk because I'm going to complete at least one actual task of my own now!

Phone rings.  It's one of our Salesmen, who tells me he's going to send an email anyway but thought he'd talk it through with me.  Well that's fine because I have all the time in the world - hang on while I put my feet on my desk and grab my nail file.  A customer wants a mix of character foiled chocolate lollipops in a special display.  Great!  You're the same bloke that had us rushing to urgently a develop another display because having that format guaranteed the customer would be able to buy a further 5K units a week.  Oh and quelle surprise, that damn stock's still sitting in the warehouse.  Has the emailed brief come in yet?  Has it f***

Back to papers.  Everyone cheer now because, joy of joys, I manage to complete first task in pile.

Phone rings.  Cold caller.   Exterminate! Exterminate! 

Assistant calls over the top of her Mac: "Just popping out to lunch".   "Lucky you" comes that voice in my head.

Parting gift from assistant in the form of a pile of artwork for checking.  Let me ask: is grammar not taught in schools any more?  Am I the only person who knows where the sodding apostrophe should be placed!  Puts pile of artwork back on her chair due to every inch of her desk being covered in paperwork.   (Note to self: another discussion point for her appraisal).

Returns to pile of papers on desk.  Make a few calls and manage to complete planned task no.2 relatively unscathed.

Stops to go to reception to collect delivery of five cases of Advent Calendars.  Pick up one box only to have Advents fall out of the bottom of the case.  Checks my delivery of five cases and four are untaped.  Raises eyes to heaven.

Returns to desk when approached by a colleague who's asked if he can have a quick meeting.  Ten minutes max.  Looks at papers still remaining on desk but "No! that's fine. of course I can spare ten minutes".

Hour and a half later, return to desk, with additional artwork to brief.  (Winces at the thought of how I break this to our lovely design manager, when her team is already sooo over-stretched). "When do you need it?" comes the predictable question. "Well it's going to be launched in September ... that's THIS September! Watch as the colour instantly disappears from design Manager's face, and leg it damn quick back to desk and those papers.

Make fatal error of looking up at screen again: 24 new emails in inbox.  Resolve to clear inbox, so start from the bottom up ... again ...

Phone rings.  A printer wants instant approval of a PDF.  Naturally I'm happy to drop everything because I only released the artwork to them three weeks ago and they've sat on their arses since until they remembered it has to go to print.  Maybe they forgot they were actual printers?

Back to papers on desk. (Nope I refuse to look at screen and see the impending doom in the form of more emails).

It's 4.30.  My time to go home due to my early starts.  Shut down Mac, put on coat and grab my bags. "Oh, before you go, can you .....". Well of course! My pleasure! I have no life to go home to.  Eventually say my fond farewells and head for the door.  Question is, can I get from my desk to the front door without being intercepted?  Of course not.  Am stopped by two different colleagues asking "before you go ...".  Exits office at 5.00pm and heads off back to tube.

Northern Line running well.   Transfers to Victoria line, which is rammed full of commuters, squeeze in and slowly microwave myself to my connecting station.  Arrive at least 5 lbs lighter .....

The train comes in.  It's pretty busy but I spy a few seats.  Why do businessmen think that they can use the seat next to them for the sole purpose of housing their briefcases?  Worse still - why are other passengers reduced to staring longingly at those seats, too afraid to do anything about it?  I walk straight along to the nearest businessman and owner of offending luggage, give him my world famous "death stare", following which the object is removed from my sight.

Settle in.  Fidget just enough to annoy businessman next to me, who is now irked his precious briefcase had to be moved to the side of his seat (god forbid).  Out comes "Byron in Love", which I finish mid-journey.  In an effort to keep fidgeting, the book goes back into bag to be replaced by iPod, which is replugged into ears, and I simultaneously contemplate my next book. Well there's Simon Gray's "The Early Diaries" waiting for me and I get a sudden pang of excitement.

Train reaches destination but tonight I swap the dance/trek home on foot for a taxi.  Hang the expense!!!

Hubby greets me and supper miraculously appears.  Now that's what I call being pro-active.

So goes my day, and I get to do it again and again.  I'm sorry if you thought this was a bit of a long one.  Please take comfort that this is the abridged version.  No - really!