The Decorating Diaries (with apologies to Simon Gray)

I am reminded of a song my father used to sing:

Father was painting the parlour.

Mother was painting the chair.

Dabbing it here,

Dabbing it there,

Paint and paper everywhere.

Father got stuck to the ceiling.

Mother got stuck to the floor.

I've never seen such a bloomin' family

so stuck up before.

(Well you had to be there to appreciate it!)

Apart from the embarrassment of hearing dad sing silly songs, it was thanks to him that I learned the art of decorating, although it could be argued that sloshing paint onto vast expanses of wall is not rocket science.  Ah dear reader, but I understand the difference between Matt, Silk and Gloss finishes and (she reluctantly adds) having a hubby who knows how to hang wallpaper, handle a drill and who possesses the largest collection of tools in the county, also has it's benefits!

This week our bedroom got the makeover treatment. Currently cream and beige, this pallette has been my old pal for far too long, so I've decided it's time to throw caution to the wind and be a bit more adventurous. We've booked our passage out of the "Land of Bland", heading instead to choppy waters in the form of ..... drum roll ..... duck egg blue and crisp white. OK, so we're not talking Jackson Pollock, but you have to understand, it's a very brave move for us!

Sunday 21 August
Day 1: DIY Heaven

As we all know, it's the law for all couples to visit DIY stores on a Sunday, and, being no exception, there we were marching up and down the aisles in search of the perfect paint. Hubby picked up a few 'man things' like wallpaper paste and polyfilla, and we were done, thankfully fairly quickly.  Back home again where we dismantled the bed, lugged the pieces into assorted spare rooms and removed from the bedroom all nic-nacs and paraphernalia could fall victim to my over-zealous painting. The joy of emulsion is that you can slosh it on, and I do "sloshing" rather well.  What we are left with is a large empty shell of space, along with acres of dust that has been lurking beneath and at the back of the bed.  Kim and Aggy would not have been amused!  Hubby's partially removed the carpet so now we are ready to go. However, we are planning to get going tomorrow, so time for a lazy afternoon.

Monday 22 August
Day 2: Enter the Duck Egg

Hubby about
to strip

Today's work went very well indeed, nay I will go so far as to say great strides were made.  The day started early, with Hubby and I getting into our decorating clothes and obligatory baseball caps (for baseball caps mean 'business') and set about removing the current wallpaper.  Naturally being our wallpaper, we had bought the only brand specifically designed to cling to the walls despite the amount of heat we threw at it.  So we had to resort to peeling away the top layer, a tough waterproof vinyl, and then bring in the stripper (no jokes please).  This worked a treat and soon I was ripping, hubby was stripping and, before long the wall was done.  After a clean down and clear up, we stopped for a well earned lunch break, (beans on toast as you're asking) returning half an hour later to start painting.  We kicked off with the ceiling and soon we were moving from the ceiling down the walls.  Removing the wallpaper had revealed a rather garish pink, so we decided to do an undercoat with white emulsion to help ensure it didn't affect the new colour.  This was done quickly which meant we could start the main order of day ..... Enter the Duck Egg!! 

Tuesday 23rd August

Day 3: Putting a gloss on it

Today we headed back to our favourite DIY store to return an extra tin of paint we didn't need and to pick up a few other things. When we got back I had to face up to the fact it was glossing day. I generally hate this task because it's fiddly and I end up inexplicably finding gloss paint on parts of my body that only a contortionist could have managed. Our room is not large but seems to have the largest number of awkward corners and shapes to gloss. However, armed with my paintbrush, I set about my mission, rather like Frodo on the way to Mordor, but minus Gollum (errr ... Hubby), who'd decided glossing was not for him and he escaped to the safety of the garage to do some work there.

Wednesday 24th August

Day 4: Being touched up

Today it was pleasing to see the room take shape. We started early on the second coat of gloss, following which we ran a couple of errands, thus reducing all probability of me testing the dryness of the paint which in turn would result in a multitude of my fingertips in the woodwork. Later in the afternoon I decided to add a third coat, and then set about touching up the inevitable slip of the brush(es). Now we only have one wall to paper and the carpet to lay. Very exciting.

Thursday 25th August

Day 5: Well Hung!

This was wallpaper day, an opportunity for the old man to pull out some more man toys from the depths of the garage. I've previously alluded to the fact that my Hubby owns the largest DIY collection in the county; in fact he is the male equivalent to the female declaration: "Oh this old thing, I've had it for years", as he pulls out another object that magically 'draws' straight lines with beams of light or some other such thing that I've not seen before.  This time, however, it was merely the pasting table and enough of an assortment of sharp objects to start a knife throwing act. I played the part of the glamorous assistant, (if you can overlook the generally unkempt look, baseball cap, paint splattered tee-shirt and old joggers) by marking out the lengths of paper, cleaning down the pasting table and deftly responding to any instruction that was thrown at me from atop the ladder. Before too long the wall was done, and I have to say the old boy did good. As this finished quite early we headed to our town centre and had a wander through Lathams Home a great interiors shop, if you're a stiletto-clad footballer's wife; Clement Joscelyn a bit 'bleh' and far too overpriced but finally settled on old faithful Laura Ashley, where they were having a discount day so I treated us (OK, OK, treated me) to a nice pair of bedside lights.

Friday 26th August

Day 6: Getting Laid

We'd left the carpet rolled but stretched out in the Conservatory, to avoid too much creasing.  Before I knew it Hubby had heaved it upstairs (rather him than me).  On paper, carpeting looks like a simple job until you realise you have 5m of hessian backed carpet weighing a ton.  Once up there, Hubby set about his task and within an hour had most of the carpet in situ, with just the final turn past the ensuite to the bedroom door. At the risk of repetition, my boy done very good ... again.  Then it came to re-fitting the curtain rails and blinds, at which point I decided it was time to renew the former so off we went, DIY store bound, in search of replacements.  We found the rail easily enough but when it came to the finials, I naturally liked the look of the style that was on display 10 feet up the wall, but of course not in stock.  However a quick call to the branch in another nearby town, and we were off to collect the pesky finials.  With our newly bought "crystal balls" in hand, we returned home to finish the room.

Epilogue

I have to say I'm so proud of my hubby for his skill and determination and I'm proud of myself for my ability to respond to the phrase "pass me the chisel" and know exactly what to get!!  Thanks Hubby x

Crikey!! It's an homage to Laura Ashley

Tackling the Teen

Last Friday saw me heading down to the Victoria Station to meet my nephew off the train from his home near the South Coast. This was, you understand, in lieu of his father, my brother, who had to attend to some business at work.

Elliot is in a not unusual position: he is the child of now divorced parents so has become used to this system of shuttling between one parent and the other.  So, there I was, standing in the designated spot (between an escalator by W H Smith and a rather ignominious pillar) when he suddenly emerges from the crowd with his stepfather. We exchanged pleasantries before Elliot was officially passed to me in a manner reminiscent of some East German spy being handed over to the West at checkpoint Charlie.  Am I showing my age here?  Probably ....